Wow.... this is my first blog..ever!Please forgive my mistakes since I'm Italian :).
I would like to say a few words that describe me these days:
Christian who is longing and struggling like mad for God's peace again.
A person whose personality has been damaged through the years;personality disorders,depression,self injury,extremely low self esteem....
It's tough to go by sometimes.
I attempted suicide three time in the last year.During the last one ,I was in hospital for a month,in the psychiatric wing,then to a clinic for personality disorders from last March for three months.
My summer was quite relaxed.All was going on fine since few days ago when I wanted to cut again so badly.After months during which I thought I overcame this problem.
It was a shock to me,cos I thought I'd never feel like that again.
I lost touch with reality..I was in real danger cos I didn't know if I was able to control myself,but fortunately I did.
The following days were as well bad ,but fortunately not as bad.
Today am feeling fine and I do hope this will last as long as it can.
My analyst says that after all I've been through ,it's normal to fall and stumble sometimes..
I wasn't prepared to this.
When I entered the clinic,she strongly suggested that I'd quit my job at that time.
I was glad that I had her support with that,cos I knew that keeping working there,would have killed me!
So I drastically changed direction by deciding to subscribe to a private school for interpreting in English,Spanish and Chinese.I always wanted that the English I knew in the street would give me a degree to work with,but not just a language course,but one that would go beyond,that is indeed interpreting.
By following a Spanish pre-course,I got back to reality ,getting to know people(I lost nearly 99% of my friends)and this gave me a purpose to look forward to.And it's working.
Thank God for this.Thank God because through all these months,my dad(who was utterly invisible for the majority of my life)is closer to me than he ever did.Thank God if my mental problems will,in the future,be an instrument I can use to help others in pain,expecially in a Christian way,hoping that God will help me to cope with all of this,since I drawn very fast and very deep that I don't have control on myself.
I've being boring you for too long..and it's only my 1st post!
I'd love to hear from my friends and from whoever wants to drop a line!
Might God bless you richly!
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